Driving to the Fear

Today I drove the car!!

Congratulations? Who cares? Good job? You’re probably not really sure how to react to that statement.

Driving a car isn’t really that big of an accomplishment. Especially for a 30 year old woman who’s been driving vehicles since as long as she can remember.

So I guess maybe the fact that I finally got behind the wheel isn’t the exciting part, but more so the realization that I took a big ugly story that I allowed to grow in my mind, and shot it down. Dead. That’s the end of that.

driving

Have you ever had a small fear around doing something? And by putting it off every time you allowed that fear to grow bigger and bigger in your mind?

I have, a lot.

And this time surprised me.

Let me explain.

Since Michael and I have returned back from England about 3 months ago, I’ve been super excited to drive again. We didn’t have a vehicle there for 2 years and if we ever rented a car, which was very rare, he drove because I liked looking around.

I was excited to get back behind the wheel in Canada when we were in my comfort zones; the highways I knew and the small towns we were visiting.

When we came out to Vancouver to look for a place to call home last month. I let Michael drive. I didn’t really consider the fact I was scared driving through the mountains, or once we arrived in Vancouver the busy-ness and all the hills, plus driving a standard on top of not knowing where I was going.

I just let him do it. No point in me driving – even though I love it. Besides I’m pregnant. He’s doing a good job. I’ll just enjoy the view and nap when I want. All legitimate excuses right?

Fast forward to us now moved and settled in and the fact that every time Michael asks me if I want to drive my heart pumps and my hands get clammy and I say “No, I enjoy just looking around.”

You know what the one small annoyance around working on bettering yourself all the time is? When you know this story you created is wrong and you hold the power to shift it, but yet you continue to roll with it. And turn something so little, into a problem in your life.

So I got real with myself. I built up in my mind that driving here was scary. I’ll just let Michael drive everywhere we go. No big deal.

Right. Until he’s not home and I have to drive somewhere by myself.

I bet you’re thinking this is ridiculous.

And you’re right! It is.

But we all tend to do it somewhere, somehow in our lives.

I flashed forward in my mind. I’m a professional woman who is making new contacts. I am independent and I’ll eventually need to get around on my own in this new city. I used to love driving. What am I doing?

So I woke up and I told Michael, I’m driving today.

And that’s all.

I drove.

It was fun.

I enjoyed it.

We got where we needed to go.

I didn’t roll back into anyone stopped on a hill.

I haven’t had sweaty palms or a racing heart around the idea of driving since.

My mind now has room to think about more exciting and creative things.

And I share because I know you’re putting off something in your life right now because you’re scared. You told yourself a story around it and now you believe it.

Go face it. It’s not going to be that hard. Then you can look back like I am and laugh at how ridiculous the whole situation was.

- Laura

 

300 Burpees - What was I scared of

300burpees

This crazy idea came to me last year, while watching an episode of London Real with guest Joe Desena talking about how he does 300 burpees in 18 minutes. 

I took this as most men do, instantly thinking "I could do that" so out came the stopwatch and camera, because if it wasn't recorded it didn't happen right? 

After 34 minutes of self inflicted torture I finished 300 burpees. Not anywhere near my goal of 18 minutes but finished nevertheless. But I did gain a whole new respect for the movement of the burpee and respect for Joe Desena for completing it in 18 minutes. 

With the North Star of 18 minutes guiding me, I made a deal with myself to perform every week till I reached my goal. I did this for 9 straight weeks getting better every time. The best time I reached was 21 minutes 38 seconds. Everything I was working hard for was in my grasp - it was becoming real. 

Then I just stopped! I quit doing my Sunday routine 300 burpees. The first few weeks I had some great excuses why I wouldn't do it. "I can take a week off to recover" right? Don't want to get hurt or anything. 
"I'm training so much, I won't lose my progress" this carried on for weeks before I finally just gave up. 

WHY!! I worked so hard for over 2 months and was getting in the best shape of my life then I just quit. It's taken a long time to even admit that to myself, the fact that I just quit. 

Processing this I'm really interested why I would be so close to my goal and on the other side of "greatness" but then just stop. What was I scared of? 

burpee

It sounds silly and stupid when I say it out loud. I was scared of success. It makes no sense to me, why would I be scared of what I wanted in the first place?

If I reached my goal of 18 minutes, what's next? 17 minutes? Is that even possible? 
What would people around me think? Would I make them feel bad? Would I separate myself from "the group." Who am I to think I could do this? 

Like I said, when I say it out loud it seems so silly. Of course people wouldn't feel that way. If anything I would show that it's possible. I could be the guy they could ask questions on how to reach 18 minutes and the steps I took to get there. And since this limit I was experiencing can apply to anything in life, I could answer questions on how to reach any goals and help overcome some challenges. 

I now feel that I'm that guy, I welcome all challenges and success with an open heart and an open mind. 

This didn't happen overnight, it took a lot of going deep and asking myself some tough questions. "Who do I really want to be?" "What Am I scared of?" "What does my dream life look like?" "What kind of husband do I want to be?" 

Everyday is a blessing and a challenge, I finally know that we can choose to see it that way and not be scared of doing so. 

I recently took the 300 burpees on again - it took 27 minutes. So I have lost a step or 2, but I welcome the success!! 

 

-Michael