300 Burpees - What was I scared of

300burpees

This crazy idea came to me last year, while watching an episode of London Real with guest Joe Desena talking about how he does 300 burpees in 18 minutes. 

I took this as most men do, instantly thinking "I could do that" so out came the stopwatch and camera, because if it wasn't recorded it didn't happen right? 

After 34 minutes of self inflicted torture I finished 300 burpees. Not anywhere near my goal of 18 minutes but finished nevertheless. But I did gain a whole new respect for the movement of the burpee and respect for Joe Desena for completing it in 18 minutes. 

With the North Star of 18 minutes guiding me, I made a deal with myself to perform every week till I reached my goal. I did this for 9 straight weeks getting better every time. The best time I reached was 21 minutes 38 seconds. Everything I was working hard for was in my grasp - it was becoming real. 

Then I just stopped! I quit doing my Sunday routine 300 burpees. The first few weeks I had some great excuses why I wouldn't do it. "I can take a week off to recover" right? Don't want to get hurt or anything. 
"I'm training so much, I won't lose my progress" this carried on for weeks before I finally just gave up. 

WHY!! I worked so hard for over 2 months and was getting in the best shape of my life then I just quit. It's taken a long time to even admit that to myself, the fact that I just quit. 

Processing this I'm really interested why I would be so close to my goal and on the other side of "greatness" but then just stop. What was I scared of? 

burpee

It sounds silly and stupid when I say it out loud. I was scared of success. It makes no sense to me, why would I be scared of what I wanted in the first place?

If I reached my goal of 18 minutes, what's next? 17 minutes? Is that even possible? 
What would people around me think? Would I make them feel bad? Would I separate myself from "the group." Who am I to think I could do this? 

Like I said, when I say it out loud it seems so silly. Of course people wouldn't feel that way. If anything I would show that it's possible. I could be the guy they could ask questions on how to reach 18 minutes and the steps I took to get there. And since this limit I was experiencing can apply to anything in life, I could answer questions on how to reach any goals and help overcome some challenges. 

I now feel that I'm that guy, I welcome all challenges and success with an open heart and an open mind. 

This didn't happen overnight, it took a lot of going deep and asking myself some tough questions. "Who do I really want to be?" "What Am I scared of?" "What does my dream life look like?" "What kind of husband do I want to be?" 

Everyday is a blessing and a challenge, I finally know that we can choose to see it that way and not be scared of doing so. 

I recently took the 300 burpees on again - it took 27 minutes. So I have lost a step or 2, but I welcome the success!! 

 

-Michael